Hope

I was standing in the dog food aisle at Big R when my wife took one look at my face and said, "Are you okay?" And I said, "No." Because for seven months at that point, I had suffered from debilitating panic attacks every single day. That very morning she had walked in on me throwing up in the toilet with an anxiety attack so bad I could hardly function. It was probably the hardest seven months of my entire life, and the reason it was so hard to understand is that there wasn't a single thing wrong in my life. I have the greatest wife. I have the greatest life. And through it all, I did not ask God to take it away from me. I asked him to get me through it. Every single day, I prayed the exact same prayer: God, I trust you with this. Then I sat down on the dog food aisle for about fifteen minutes while my wife rubbed my shoulders. That's how bad it was.

I'm telling you that up front because being a Christian doesn't mean you don't have hard times, that you don't go through things, that you're not going to have an anxiety attack. Even depression, being a Christian is not immune to it. And if anything, the Christian community can be the worst community in the world when you're having a mental health struggle, because they hand you cliche Christianity. "You just need to give that to God." I never thought of that. "Well, you should pray about that." Brother, I'm going to punch you in the face.

So no, I'm not going to hand you a verse and tell you to cheer up. I'm going to start by telling you who you are not.

You're not unloveable. You're not alone. You're not worthless. You're not done. You're not a quitter. You're not unworthy. You're not too much. You're not too far gone. You're not unforgivable. You're not lost. You're not too old or too young. You're not finished. Not when you're with God.

Yesterday I told you about the dog food aisle, and I told you who you are not. Today I'm taking on the question you might be scared to say out loud: where is God while everything's falling apart? Because when heaven goes quiet, it can feel like proof that nobody's up there. Or worse, that he saw what was coming and left.

Let me start with what a shepherd is. The very idea of a shepherd is that he stays with the flock. He doesn't go anywhere. If a storm comes in, does the shepherd run off? No. As a matter of fact, he goes into protection mode. Does that mean the sheep won't get wet? No. Does that mean there aren't lions and bears out there? No. But the Lord is your shepherd, and he is there through it all. Not just the good times.

In First Kings 19, they're trying to kill Elijah the prophet. He's run off to a cave in the mountains, and he tells God, I'm the only one left. And maybe you feel like you're the only one left too. You've got all these problems weighing down on you, and you don't know where to turn. It doesn't matter what you do. If you turn left, you should have turned right. If you turn right, you should have turned left. Nothing you do seems to be working, and it is killing you.

God says, go out and stand before me on the mountain. And as Elijah stood there, a mighty windstorm hit the mountain, such a terrible blast that rocks were torn loose. But the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind, there was an earthquake. But the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake, a fire. But the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire, there was the sound of a gentle whisper. And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.

There's a lot in your life screaming at you right now. It screams every single day. But God is not in the screaming. He's in the gentle whisper, and he's not going to fight to be heard. He's not going to raise his voice. You're going to have to fight in order to listen.

And you know what God told the man who thought he was the only one left? Go back the same way you came. Go back to where I told you to be. Because God was still right there. He hasn't gone anywhere. He's not ignoring you. He's not mad at you. But he is calling you back. There's a thousand steps we can take that lead us away from God. There's only one step that will take us back to him.

One more thing, because somebody has probably already quoted it at you. Stop saying God won't give you more than you can handle. God won't give you more than HE can handle. There is a difference. One relies on your strength. The other relies on your faith. Choose wisely.

I'll close today where I opened yesterday, inside those seven months. You are with me. God's been with me this whole time. Even when I didn't feel him, I knew he was there, because sometimes you just have to get through it. Not one time, on my good days or the worst of days, did I ever think God was not with me. We are never, never, never alone.

You know now that you're allowed to be at the bottom, and you know God didn't leave. Today is the part you came for: how to keep going when everything in you wants to quit. Let me introduce you to a mare named Fiona.

It gets real crazy out in the pasture when a critter runs up the rope. No longer am I in control. That rope is coming back at me. And life will run up the rope on you. Things are going to go smooth, and then all hell's going to break loose. Maybe you're going through that right now. The first thing you've got to do is coil fast. Get that rope off the ground. And the thing you need to coil up is your emotions. The second thing: get your feet moving. Movement conquers fear. Now I've got a 650-pound critter headed right for us at Mach 4, hell-bent on caving my leg into Fiona's chest. And right at the last minute, as I'm getting Fiona's feet moving and coiling up, Fiona turns and double kicks her right between the eyes. Whack, whack. I wanted to get off my horse and high-five a mare. I couldn't do anything about that critter coming up the rope at me. But the one I was riding could. And the one you're riding for can too. When all seems lost, hopeless, disastrous, overwhelming, that is when God comes in and double kicks your problems right between the eyes.

Now I've got a confession to make. It's not just roping I've been a failure at. I've been a failure most of my life. I've failed at being a husband. I've failed at being a father. I've failed at being a friend. I've failed at being a cowboy. I've failed at training and starting horses. I've even failed at being a Christian. I have failed in ministry. I've failed in more sermons than you can imagine. I've even failed at writing books, and most people never even tried. And although I might have failed, there's one thing I've never done. I've never quit.

That's not just cowboy talk. It's solely reserved for those with guts enough to keep doing something even to the point of failure, especially to the point of failure. Most people fail because they're scared of failing. They quit long before they fail. They try something a couple of times and then they quit. You have to work real, real hard at something for a long, long time before you truly fail. I know, because I've built a cowboy life and a cowboy ministry not out of successes, but out of failing and never, ever quitting.

And hear me on this one, because it matters when you're down. Falling is not the same as failing. Get back up. You notice I didn't say get back on. Sometimes you can't. But even in the extreme circumstance that you can't get back on, you can get back up. Maybe not right then, but when you can. Falling only leads to failing when we give up and never get up. And give yourself a break. I didn't say make excuses. Falling is inevitable. Failing is a choice. And let others help. When we fall, we need others to help us. When we fail, we usually do so completely on our own.

I'll leave you today with a story about a toilet. Yes, a toilet. I had just landed my first job as a preacher. An elder told me after church the following Sunday that he would be calling for a vote to remove me as pastor. I went in the church bathroom, sat on the closed lid of the toilet, and cried. I wanted to give up. I wanted to let him have it. I wanted to fight. But I pushed all those things aside and decided I wouldn't let any man stand between me and God's calling on my life. All these years later, I am the founder of one of the largest independent cowboy ministries in the world. I got here because I never gave up on the God who never gave up on me. There have been many tears since then, but I still haven't given up. Behind every strong person is a story that made them that way. So don't give up doing the right thing.

I've been using the word hope for three days now, and I owe you a straight answer on what it is. Because the world uses that word for wishing. I hope it rains. I hope the truck starts. That's not the hope I'm handing you. Not even close.

Hope is the knowledge that our victory is assured. Hope means it doesn't matter what battle is going on around you. It doesn't matter how many bombs are going off. It doesn't matter how many people are screaming in your ear. Our victory is assured. Hope is the ability to focus on the prize that awaits us instead of the problem that comes against us.

Faith, to me, is comprised of two things: hope and grace. Faith is a heart that is addicted to hope. And hope is knowing in your heart that no matter what happens, it's all going to be okay. It doesn't mean IF something happens. It means no matter WHAT happens, it's going to be okay. That's one of the promises of Jesus. Hope is trusting God with your life. And when you run out of hope, faith cannot exist.

Here's why that hope holds when everything else buckles. The world walks around defeated. But we don't have to, because we follow a God that has seen the end. And he said, I will win. No ifs, no ands, and definitely no buts. I will win. And if you're on my team, you will win too. Instead of anxiousness, be hopeful. Instead of defeat, focus on the victory that Jesus said is already ours.

One more thing about the place you're standing right now, because I've stood there. Everybody wants to be on the mountain, but nothing grows on top of a mountain. Nothing. There's beauty in the valley if you know what to look for. You know what I found in the valley? I found true friends. I learned not to take things for granted, and I learned to celebrate small successes. The valley can be beautiful if you have the right mindset. And the hope I've been describing is what lets you lift your head long enough to see it.

Last day, pard. You know you're allowed to be at the bottom. You know God never left. You know how to not give up, and you know what hope actually is. One thing left, and it's the thing the devil doesn't want you to hear.

The devil will convince you during a storm that the present is permanent. It feels that way. It feels like you're never going to feel any different than this despair, or this anxiousness, or this overwhelming feeling. That devil will whisper in your ear every single day that whatever you're going through right now, that's going to be the rest of your life. And I'm here to tell you, from the far side of my own seven months, that he is a liar.

You're going through so much. You've come so far, sometimes fast, sometimes slow, sometimes being hung up in the stirrup. You're going to be okay. You're going to be beat up and bloody, but you're going to be okay. And you're going to be stronger.

And when the hard is finally over, here's what's waiting. I have fought the good fight. I have finished the drive. I have been, and continue to be, faithful until the end. Waiting for me at the end is the trophy buckle of righteousness. The Most Righteous, Christ Jesus, will present it to me on that day. But there's not just one. One is waiting for all who've longed to meet him face to face and receive the reward for their ride.

So no matter what happens to you in this life, if you have Jesus Christ in your heart, you win. You cannot lose. There is nothing that can happen to you on this earth that will affect your heavenly place. You have already won. Hold your head up high, because you're riding for someone who will never give up on you. He'll never stop loving you, caring for you, and he ain't ever going to leave your side.

I preached through the worst storm of my own life, and I preached about it while I was still in it. If you only ever watch one message of mine, watch this one. It's called Growing Through the Storm.